I am Leila, 23, a young professional, A MISTRESS.
I was twenty years old when I met him in a bar. His fingers were clean, no ring at all. And that’s my first mistake, I assumed he was single. He’s good looking, looks decent and I like him. I gave him my number and I told him to give me a call. Yes I admit, I was a flirt. I waited for his call. After two weeks, an unregistered number beeped my phone. It was him.
We started seeing each other. At first I just wanted to play with him. But sooner, I’ve fallen. I’ve fallen to my own trap. And that’s the second mistake I’ve committed. Our dates became more often and I’ve fallen so deep. When I thought I knew him enough, I’ve completely given him everything, I mean everything, every part of me, my life, my heart and my soul. Without a contract to be signed, I’ve given him a promise of ‘forever’. And that’s the third mistake.
Two years have passed and my life went pretty well. Our relationship seemed so perfect until the day I’ve found something from his pocket, a ring. I stopped for a moment. I didn’t know what to think. I told myself it might be an engagement ring for me. How sweet. But obviously, it is not. It’s a man’s ring. And it is a wedding ring. I flipped it and my hands became numb as I saw the engraved names. “No! It can’t be! He’s not married. NO!”
I got my phone and dialed the number of the only friend he’d introduced to me. I was crying. I begged him to tell me the truth. And right there and then, truth was given to me. The most painful truth I’ve ever heard – HE WAS MARRIED. And obviously, not to me.
I just cried. My tears kept on falling. Then he came. He also cried and he tried to explain. I heard him but not all his words were processed by my mind. The only words I remembered were “I can’t live without you” and “I love you more than my wife”. Those words killed my ability to think right. When he stopped talking, I hugged him so tight and I whispered while my tears were still falling, “I will love you forever”. Well I guess, my stupidity already turned into insanity.
There could be no ‘forever’ for us. That word was a fantasy, it was a lie. But I chose to believe that lie.
We were happy. We were the perfect couple. I couldn’t ask for more. At least that’s what my mind says. But every time I was not with him, I have creepy sleepless nights. My fears and guilt crippled my ability to enjoy life to the fullest. My world revolved around him, around the secret world we’ve created. And I was imprisoned in that secret world. I was imprisoned there for a year. But one day, I woke up…
I stood there and my hands were shaking. I slowly knocked. After few seconds, a beautiful woman opened the door and gave an awkward smile. As the door opened, I saw two kids playing. The boy was about eight years old and he was playing with his little sister. I couldn’t help it, my tears fell. If I’d continue my fantasy, those two innocent kids may grow up hating their father and may rebel. If I’d continue my fantasy, this woman may go insane just like what I’ve felt. And she doesn’t deserve that.
I walked away. And I didn’t just walk away from their house, I walked away from their life. I cannot ruin a family. I cannot ruin the future of two beautiful kids. Three years of a false ‘forever’ should stop. His wife doesn’t deserve an unfaithful man. And I believe, I also deserve something and someone better. I may have committed mistakes, but I know I can always make things right. And that day, I decided to do what is right.
I am so sorry.
I am Leila, 23, a young professional, WAS A MISTRESS, now REDEEMED.
“You shall not commit adultery.” – Exodus 20:14
We shall not. That was God’s commandment. If we don’t obey, we sin. And so, that will have a consequence. God is JUST.
“Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her.” Jesus said in John 8:7.
The Pharisees and scribes brought an adulteress and they wanted to stone her, condemn her to death. But because of what Jesus said, no one dared to throw a single stone. God is just, but He is also MERCIFUL.
We commit mistakes. We become insane sometimes and our mistakes turn into sins. We get deceived by the beautiful lies of evil. All of us. No one is exempted. And so we don’t have any right to judge anyone by the sins and mistakes they commit for we ourselves have our own “dirty pet sins”.
I have sympathy over damaged families. My heart goes with the broken wives and busted children.
But again, GOD OFFERS SECOND CHANCE TO ALL. He is merciful.
Jesus stood up and said to her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?” She said, “No one, Lord.” And Jesus said, “Neither do I condemn you; GO, AND FROM NOW ON SIN NO MORE.”
– John 8:10-11